The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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