I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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