yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
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can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
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I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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