he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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