this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
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He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
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