Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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