She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
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I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
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I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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