I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
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