He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
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the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
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In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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