Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
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im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
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Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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