There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
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I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
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We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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