you guys were way drunker than both of me
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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