We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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