so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
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We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
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you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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