He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
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I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
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I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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