Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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