Plan B is the new Plan A
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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