I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Green mimosas i think yes
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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