Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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