she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Randomize