Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize