Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize