You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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