you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
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I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
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I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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