DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
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