I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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