My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize