Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
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