Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
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P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
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jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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