just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize