Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize