i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
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