Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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