Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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