I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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