last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
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