I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
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Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
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You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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