Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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