I want to have your abortion
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
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