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I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
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