so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
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We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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