Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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