I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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