i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
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