So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
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I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
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Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
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