She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
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Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
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Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize