your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
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you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
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Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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