your thong is hanging out like whoa
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
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I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
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URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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