I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize