It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
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it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
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I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
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